Legacy: The Circle of Love and Life
Ana Backhaus
This story reflects my profound relationship with my mother, a confrontation with an unexpected reality and a journey of self-discovery. It unfolded after COVID delayed a diagnosis of an aggressive cancer, which took her life too soon.
It's a convergence of past and present, where uncertainty overshadowed my role as a daughter. I wanted to help yet felt lost in how to support her. In a post-pandemic world, my mom's diagnosis came and none of us knew how to navigate this altered reality. I sought light, but shadows engulfed me.
Photographing my mom became my escape, a way to feel close while creating distance to remain strong, seeking perspective amid pain, and keeping her close to my heart. This was therapeutic, providing an illusion of purpose and distraction from my feelings of helplessness.
As caregiver, my mom wanted to shield everyone from her pain, wanting my dad to be the main support until she could no longer bear it. This semblance of normality became her refuge.
This narrative emphasises the fleeting nature of time. It’s about maintaining hope while confronting the reality of her absence. Losing her felt like losing a part of myself.
With my camera, I navigated grief in a world that moved forward, while mine was shattered into pieces. I fought to find light amid darkness, discovering newfound resilience. It’s a journey of death and rebirth that has taught me to live in previously unknown ways, rediscovering a new version of myself with and double strength, rooted in the love I received that guided me back to light. It’s a Circle – the Circle of Love and Life.